Friday, April 17, 2009



You remember my two older sisters. Well I meet up with them today and we had lunch and some shopping. We went to Pei Wei in Bountiful. I had the Shrimp Fried Rice and the sisters had Sweet and Sour Shrimp and Shrimp Lo Mein. Pei Wei is one of our favorites. It was a nice lunch and it was fun shopping. We went to my favorite place to find deals and that was TJ Maxx's. We found us new purses, tea, spices for cooking (planning on using some on the tuna I am going to prepare for dinner) and Norma found a little dress for one of her great grandchildren. It was a great time spent with them. The one thing that was missing today was our little sister Pam. She is the one who needs a lot of help in just being her. Pam is 5 years than I am. She is tall, skinny and beautiful not like the rest of us who is shorter, not thin, and okay looking. I would have added a photo of her but I don't have one that is digital that I can share and that is very sad to me. 
There has always been some tension between Pam and the sisters. I would have to say that tension is mostly between me and Pam. I don't know for sure why or what has caused it. Was it something from our childhood or from when we grew older. It must be from our childhood because as soon as I could get out of my parents home I was gone. I just know our relationship is on shaky ground. At this time in our life we are not speaking. She talked to me when we were preparing for the funeral of my mothers husband and then when we prepared for my mother's. 
We have not spoken since my mother passed in January.  I found out not long ago from my sisters that Pam has cancer of pancreas. I was told they had removed the pancreas and she is getting treatment. I called her as soon as I found out but as usual she did not answer the phone or return my phone call. I am worried about her but I know that she will not reach out to us for support or even a ear to talk to. Today I found out that the week she found out about her cancer she also lost her job. I know that her job was the only health insurance they have. Her husband is self employed and has several issues with his health also and that is why she was still working. It breaks my heart that she will not reach out to us and let come and give her support by just being with her. She didn't even call Nicky (the one sister that she does speak to) until after the surgery and she was home. I just don't know what to do for her because she doesn't let us in to her life. 
Not sure what to do or how to act or feel about this whole thing. I know I want her to get better and be healthy and safe. But, I feel that I should be doing something to make her want us there but from past experiences I do know you never just show up at her house. I hope that she know that no matter what has happened in the past is not so big that we are not family and that we love her and want to be there for her. I am just afraid that something will happen to her and I will not be there for her or with her. 
Pam I just want you to know that we love you and want you to let us be there for you when you need us. 

No comments:

Post a Comment